Category: Laugh!

Fee Writes

Laugh!

Online Dating Scam Fun

Catfished by a clown: My hilarious adventures with an online dating scammer!

Here’s a question for you: Have you ever tried online dating? A wee while ago, I decided to throw my hat into the ring and give it a whirl.

Oh, I had a blast—mainly with the scammers, if I’m being honest!

It didn’t take long before I got the hang of spotting them. And I must say, I got a right kick out of playing along. I had the time, and honestly, they’re not hard to pick.

It always kicks off the same way—a long-winded message explaining who they are, what they’ve achieved, how much money they’ve got, and how they’d simply love to get to know me. They drop a Gmail address and suggest I write directly so they can send more photos. And that, my friend, is where the real fun begins.

The first thing I do is screenshot their profile photo and do a reverse image search on Google. Sure enough, it turns out to be a stock photo every single time. Classic.

Now, I’ve had a few of these exchanges, but the latest one? Absolute gold.

Can’t quite recall the name he used, so let’s just call him John. John had a profile picture with a dog—a breed I’d never seen before. So I emailed him and asked, ever so innocently, “What kind of dog is that? He’s adorable!”

I also mentioned that we lived in the same city and it’d be great to get to know him better. John wrote back, completely ignored the dog question, and said he’d love to meet—but alas, he was heading overseas for work.

Of course, he was. They always are. And they’re always highly educated—usually in mining, oil, or something similarly dramatic. Sometimes they’re even a high-ranking US Marine. John, though, was an engineer off to work on oil rigs in Saudi Arabia.

So I replied, “That’s exciting for you! But such a shame. Who’s going to look after your dog? And what breed is he, anyway?”

There was still no mention of the dog, but he did say he looked forward to meeting me once he returned.

Then came the rookie mistake—he signed off the email as Paul. Not John.

At this point, I’d had my fun. Time to wrap it up. I responded with:

“Dear John….or Paul.

First, always use the same name throughout—that’s Scam rule 101. And don’t use a photo with an animal if you have no clue what kind it is—that’s another giveaway.

Also, if you’re claiming to be a well-educated Kiwi, your English should be top-notch. May I suggest hiring a proper interpreter next time?

Happy scamming!”

Just so you know, I’ve got a separate Gmail account I use just for these kinds of shenanigans.

I love the fun of it, but you do need to stay sharp. They’re out there, and they’re trying it on.

If you’re dabbling in online dating, keep your wits about you. And if you do decide to string a scammer along, go for it—but when you’re done, drop the word “scam” into the chat. Trust me, they vanish instantly.

And don’t forget—report them to the dating site. It helps keep things safer for everyone.

Just so you know …. I’m no longer on the dating sites, can’t really be bothered if I’m honest

Fee Writes

Paper Maps vs GPS

A Nostalgic Journey with a Modern Twist

I’ve just returned from a bit of an adventure in a new neighbourhood I don’t know very well. You know the kind of outing—stop for petrol, a quick dash to the supermarket, and a lot of driving down unfamiliar streets. By the time I was on my way back, it struck me how lucky we are to have GPS. My mind wandered back to the late ’60s and ’70s when I was single and constantly on the go. Back then, there were no helpful voices telling you to “Turn left in 200 metres.” We had paper maps. Big, fold-out, impossible-to-manage paper maps!

I was pretty proud of my map-folding skills—most of the time. But when you’re in a rush, it’s a whole different story. Folding one of those maps felt like wrestling a fitted sheet that had just come out of the dryer. You try your best, but it always ends up in a messy bundle. My glove box quickly became a graveyard for paper maps, each one crumpled and slightly worse for wear. The car started looking like a mini archive of my travels, with maps poking out from under seats and crammed into every available space.

Fast forward to today, and I’m completely in awe of GPS. It’s nothing short of magic! This morning, it took me down tiny streets, round unexpected corners, and safely back home without a single wrong turn. Without it, I would’ve been hopelessly lost. What a game-changer!

But just when I thought my little adventure was over, I hit an unexpected twist—a breathalyser checkpoint at 11 a.m.! Surprised, I said to the officer, “Bit early, isn’t it?” She smiled and said, “Not really. You’d be amazed how many people we catch still over the limit from the night before.” Whoa. It’s a bit of a wake-up call, isn’t it? Apparently, there are plenty of people who party hard and then try to drive home in the morning, still feeling the effects.

That aside, I just can’t get over how much easier life is with GPS. No more pulling over to squint at a map under a streetlight, no more trying to fold it back neatly, and no more stuffing it into the glove box with a resigned sigh. GPS, you’re a lifesaver.

Paper maps, you had your time. But GPS? You’re the future—and I’m never looking back.

Fee Writes

Laugh! | Random

The Fun of Elections.

I do wonder about the intelligence of some people who are out on the campaign trail.

And, no, I’m not talking about the old folk duking it out in USA!

Ah, the fun of elections!

We’re in the middle of the first Council election in several years. This is all due to the dreadful mismanagement, infighting, and overall debacles that led the government of the day to step in and appoint a commissioner to run the show.

Needless to say, this has caused a bit of a rift among the ratepayers. Some thought it a great idea, others not. No one is perfect, but one has to agree that more has been done since the Commissioner ran things than when the council did.

However, things have come to an end, and it’s now time for wannabe councillors to put on their big-people panties and step up to the mark to create an honest and forward-thinking/planning council to run the show. How we’ll go—well, that we’ll find out.

This brings me to the billboards that are currently scattered around every nook and cranny for the driving voters to see. One in particular caught my eye.

Now, I’m not about to get into a discussion about Trump – or how I feel about him. But what does puzzle me is:

1. Is this candidate aligning himself with Trump’s style by using the ‘make ….. great again’ mantra that MAGA is famous for

2. Is this candidate trying to be funny, witty or show some style of sarcasm?

Either way, I think it’s a completely disastrous campaign slogan. If he is aligning himself to MAGA because he believes it’s right, then he’s lost the votes of those who are totally opposed to Trump’s style and certainly don’t want to see their Mayor following in his footsteps.

And if he’s just being funny, then it’s backfired. If people think it’s a joke or sarcasm, they’ll still not vote just in case they’re wrong, and this candidate truly does hold Trump up as a model leader.

Ah, the fun of elections! 😂😂😂

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Fee Writes

Laugh! | Random

3 More Bizarre Facts

I get a kick out of ferreting out the weird and wonderful, so I hope you enjoy them.

The last time I posted some bizarre facts, post: My top 3 Bits of Useless Information, it appears you ate them up. Obviously not literally, that’s an impossibility, but you did seem to enjoy them according to the analysing data I have at my fingertips.

So I’m intrigued to see if this lot piques your interest as well. Today’s topic is birth control. Feel free to share.

1. In Egyptian days, when Pharaohs ruled and pyramids were built, crocodile poop was used as contraception. I kid you not.

It appears that amorous women would use the dung as pessaries. Yup, they’d insert the stuff and, because it is slightly alkaline, it worked a bit like modern-day spermicides. Mind you, just how they got the dung in the first place is thought-provoking, as well as wondering if it had to be fresh or could it be old. What about the smell? Surely that would turn off the suitor, and that would be the contraception? I’ll leave it to you to ponder.

2. The Greeks were also a bit loopy. Now they did have some very effective plant-based contraception, but they had some weird ones also, like, sneezing. The ancient Greek physician Soranus recommended that to prevent pregnancy, the woman, after having sex, should squat and sneeze. My curious mind wonders how the sneeze would happen. Perhaps they had a form of snuff in which to bring on the sneeze. Of course, this method didn’t work, which probably pissed off a few women and wouldn’t have given Soranus a good name!

3. In medieval Europe, this one would have to be the most bizarre. These Europeans believed that hanging weasel testicles around the woman’s neck during sex would stop pregnancy. Again, my mind is flying in all directions. I’m going to assume the weasel wasn’t attached. But it also begs the question, “did they have to be fresh, or did the woman have these testicles in the bedside drawer?” All I can say is, “Eweeee!”

These weren’t the only ‘charms’ that had magical powers. Donkey poop, a mule’s uterus, or a specific bone from a black cat’s body were also used.

So there you have it, my 3 bizarre facts that should brighten your day.

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Fee Writes

Laugh! | Random

Lost My Phone

How much do you rely on your phone? As I live on my own, my phone is a massive connection to the outside world.

To say that I’m careful about having my phone with me when I leave a place is probably not overstating the obvious. So when I lost my phone for a few hours one morning, I realised just how much I rely on it.

The day began perfectly. I’d had a great sleep and woke refreshed. I threw on my gym gear, had a glass of lemon water and headed off to pick up my friend, Kathy, to go and do a workout.

I’d better come clean. My workout is not one of those vigorous, pumping types, getting all sweaty and puffed. Mine is done with a fraction more decorum. I’ve decided that pushing 70 is exercise enough.

But I still go and get on the treadmill, lift a weight or two and play with a ball which you can see in my post “The Gym Experience”

Having my girlfriend with me (a fellow Improver) makes the experience even better as we usually end up laughing and enjoying each other’s company.

The session ended, and off we went. Dropping off Kathy, I then headed to the market to grab an apple. I reached into my gym bag to get my phone and was horrified to find it wasn’t there.

“Take a deep breath and think about this, Fee,” I told myself.

Having looked in the car, I figured that it must be still at the gym, and I was pretty sure I knew where. After getting the apple (I wasn’t going to miss out), I headed back, parked the car, ran up the stairs and got to reception, hoping that it had already been handed in.

Nope. Darn.

I went in and checked around all the equipment I’d used but found crickets – nothing, zilch.

The lady at reception suggested I go to my service provider and see if they could “find the phone” or, at the least, block it.

Here I’m going to plug 2 Degrees, the phone company I’ve been with since they began. A brilliant young guy bent over backwards to help me (please don’t visualise this chap literally bending over, although it’s a pleasant image).

Immediately he blocked the sim card.

Oh, and before we go on – yes, the phone was unlocked!!!! I had to fess up to that to my embarrassment. Not that I have any nude or porno pics, but I didn’t want ones of my grandies getting out there in the world.

We then spent the next… I don’t know how long, but it seemed like ages, trying to find my phone via Google.

What is it with Google? A new thing now is to do a two-step verification, and guess how that is done? They send a code to your phone!!!!! This meant, of course, that we couldn’t get into my Google account because I DIDN’T HAVE A PHONE!

The lovely guy then populated a new sim card with my phone number and put it into a sample phone. Still didn’t work.

So finally I went home. Now I have to say here that I’m am very impressed with myself for not flying off the handle, getting overwhelmed or feeling gutted. I took the view that shit happens, and one has to simply “let it go”. It is such a waste of energy to get pissed off with something that is out of your control. I thought, just do the steps and see what the outcome is. If push comes to shove, I could simply get a new phone and begin a new journey.

But I didn’t have to. When I got home, I did a Google search for “find my phone” and, voila, there on Google maps it was…. at the gym!

It looked like it was in the car park, so I enlisted Kathy to come and help look under cars – I mean, c’mon, I didn’t want to be the “some random chick on all fours in the car park”.

With no luck, I went back to reception and YAY; it had just been handed in. My phone had been found sitting on the water fountain, and that’s when I remembered. I had taken the phone out of my pocket, put it on the water-cooler and proceeded to use the scales to weigh myself (I don’t possess these).

BOOM! Found the phone (and a bonus – lost weight).

See, just do the steps and trust in the process to a final result.

So how much is your phone to you? Have you ever lost it? Tell me in the comments below, as I’d love to know that I’m not the only ditsy blond (well, grey).

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Category: Laugh!

Online Dating Scam Fun

Catfished by a clown: My hilarious adventures with an online dating scammer!

Paper Maps vs GPS

A Nostalgic Journey with a Modern Twist

The Fun of Elections.

I do wonder about the intelligence of some people who are out on the campaign trail.

3 More Bizarre Facts

I get a kick out of ferreting out the weird and wonderful, so I hope you enjoy them.

Lost My Phone

How much do you rely on your phone? As I live on my own, my phone is a massive connection to the outside world.

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