Tag: cafe

A Love Letter to Going Out On Your Own

A Love Letter to Going Out On Your Own

Why You Should Absolutely Take Yourself Out

the effect of smiles

Alright, by now you’ve probably cottoned on to the fact that I live solo. Not just the kind of solo where the cat’s your flatmate and the plants get names (don’t have a cat but the plants get names), but the kind where I regularly venture out into the world—on my own. And that’s exactly what I felt like chatting about with you today: the fine art of doing things alone.

Let me ask you—have you ever dined out, just you, your plate, and the ambient murmur of a bustling restaurant? If you have, then go you! Give yourself a mental high five. And if you haven’t, well, maybe it’s time to give it a whirl.

This wee reflection was sparked by something that happened just yesterday. I was parked up at one of my favourite local cafés, laptop open, latte in hand—because frankly, their coffee is leagues better than what I whip up at home. Plus, I love that background hum of clinking cups, espresso steam, and low conversation. It’s like a cosy blanket of community and helps me create whatever it is I’m creating.

But then I saw her.

She caught my eye—a woman, possibly around my age, maybe a touch older. But I’d say she was definitely in her seventies. What struck me wasn’t what she was doing, but what she wasn’t doing. She didn’t have a phone. No laptop. No newspaper or book. Just her coffee and the sunshine. She was entirely present, sitting there, soaking in the atmosphere like a cat on a windowsill.

She was people-watching, smiling now and then, simply being. No distractions. No props. Just grace and groundedness (is that a word?) in a world that often feels like it’s spinning off its hinges.

And you know what? I’ve done that too. And sometimes I wonder—has someone glanced my way and thought: She looks happy. She looks like she belongs. She looks like she’s the boss of that corner table.

Because here’s the thing: you’ve got to own it. Whatever it is—your coffee, your meal, your moment. Claim it. The first time you go out on your own, yes, it feels a little wobbly. Maybe a touch awkward. But the second time’s easier. And by the third? You’ll be sauntering in like the café was built just for you.

And let me tell you, other women will see you. Not with pity or curiosity, but with admiration. Quiet envy, even. They’ll clock your confidence, your sense of ease, your refusal to wait for someone else to validate your right to be there. Even if, on the inside, you’re a bit shaky.

going out on your own

It doesn’t matter. You’re doing it. You’re living. You’re showing up in the world as your brilliant, unaccompanied self.

Because truthfully? This world’s a bit bonkers, and no one’s really paying all that much attention. So take the seat by the window. Order the dessert. Bring a book or bring nothing. Just be there.

Own the moment. You absolutely can.

 

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Combat Loneliness: Simple Ways to Reconnect

Combat Loneliness: Simple Ways to Reconnect

This is the most brilliant quote I’ve read for a while.

the effect of smiles

It certainly resonated with me and got me thinking. I hope the same happens when you read it.

Overcoming Loneliness Tips

It was by a guy called Jean-Paul Sartre. He was a French philosopher, playwright, and novelist born in 1924—quite a remarkable philosopher and very interesting.

That whole concept of being alone for me is fine. I’ve lived alone for 18-odd years or so. But the lonely part. I will admit there has been an odd time when I have been a bit lonely. But thankfully, I recognised the feeling early on and did something about it so I didn’t spiral into that loneliness.

It’s at the beginning of that spiral when you need to do something. So here’s a couple of ideas:

  • Go for a walk listening to a podcast, music or audiobook.
  • Get yourself out into nature.
  • Go to a café, get a coffee and people-watch.
  • At the same café, take your computer and write emails or ‘journal your thoughts’.
  • Don’t hesitate to read out to someone. It might be a neighbour or whoever, but reach out to someone.
  • Watch a movie at home or go to the theatre and watch one there.
  • Go to the library and get a book. As my mom always used to say, if you’ve got a book to read, you’re never alone because books use your imagination and you can absorb yourself into the story

Perhaps try and learn something new. Go online and have a look and see if there is something in your neighbourhood that you would like to do. Is it is it dancing? Is it comedy? Is it learning how to work a computer?

Is that anything that gets you into a group situation, and especially a group situation where you’ve got younger people? So it’s not all just your age group. (I’m talking to the older people here now.) Younger people bring in a fabulous vibe. It’s brilliant when you talk to young people as they offer different perspectives.  So, if you feel like you’re spiralling into loneliness, go online, find a group to join, get out there, and participate in your community.

Overcoming Loneliness Tips

 

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People Watching

People Watching

Are you someone who enjoys people watching? I have to admit doing this quite often when out and about.

And before you say anything – I’m not a voyeur! Heaven forbid that you would even think such a thing about me. No, it’s when I’m out, usually at the cafè. In fact, a cafè has to be the best place to people watch.

The other day I took my computer (which I often do) to my local cafè to do some work. One of the perks of having an online business – you can take it with you.

I got there quite early and settled in with good intentions to complete the tasks on the list. It wasn’t long before a chap in a high viz jacket came in, ordered and took a table within my line of vision.

Perhaps it’s because I have a rather vivid imagination, but this was when my mind started wondering what he did, where he lived and why he was alone.

After a few minutes, I noticed he was sitting there gazing out the window with a faraway look on his face. Then I saw an elderly lady at the table in front of him who was also on her own.

Both tables were next to the window, and both had only two chairs, so they were quite small. Both occupants were on their own, facing the same way and staring out the window. No phones were on their tables, no newspapers or magazines. It appeared that both were perfectly content to be in the moment.

The woman received her coffee and muffin and slowly and quietly began to partake in them. I thought of the song

Eleanor Rigby, although I felt this woman wasn’t in such a sad state as the people in the lyrics. I bestowed the name of Eleanor to her, wondering what was she thinking and what her life was like. She was nicely dressed, her nails painted a pearly colour, and her hair looked like she had blond streaks through it; either she visited the hair salon or was blessed with no greys! I put her in her late 70s or even into her 80s. Here was a woman who obviously took care of herself. Did she live alone? Or perhaps she had an invalid husband, and she was taking a much-needed break? Whatever her life was, she was very content to sit and watch people pass by the window. Was she doing what I was doing, people watching?

My attention then switched to High Viz man (as I had named him), who was still gazing out the window. When I see people in a ‘gaze’, I begin to make up stories about their lives, what they’re thinking, and what they will do when they leave the cafè.

By the looks of what he was wearing, I concluded rightly or wrongly that he was in construction. However, I did think that the boots I was wearing were probably more weather-proof than the shoes he had on. On the other hand, they could have been steel-cap. See where my imagination takes me?

His coffee arrived, and he took a moment to say thank you before reaching for the sugar. I counted three spoonfuls being delivered carefully into his cup. As he stirred the sugary beverage, his eyes were again attracted to the window, and his gaze seemed very contemplative.

Before too long, his breakfast arrived, and his focus was diverted to the meal as he occupied himself with savouring the contents on his plate. I was going to say that I was impressed he didn’t load up his fork until he’d finished what was in his mouth, admiring his lingering process. But he only did it a couple of times, and then it was into the very Kiwi way of stacking the fork with food and shovelling it in. Maybe it gave him something to do, although he did break once and window gaze and, for a split moment, the food seemed to be forgotten.

In the meantime, Eleanor began to come to the end of her refreshments. The muffin was mere crumbs on the plate, and she drained the last of the beverage. As she got up from the table, it was apparent she had hip problems because she was walking slowly. Although she didn’t have a cane, her gait looked so painful, and my heart melted for her. My last thought as she made her way out of the cafè was that I hoped her day would be blessed with people, smiles and laughter.

I continued with my work, and it wasn’t long before High Viz man finished his breakfast and made his way out into the street.

As there were no more people in my line of vision, I reflected that when I see people like Eleanor, should I go and sit with them? But then, I often sit alone in cafès and enjoy the solitude. Mind you, I do have a computer keeping me occupied, although I also can gaze out of the window and be engrossed with people watching.

people watching

 

 

 

 

 

 

 




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I’m On Bluesky

I’m On Bluesky

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fee o'shea

Thanks for dropping by. My name is Fee O’Shea. I’m a mother and grandma, an author, and a Comedy Improver.
This blog is for my thoughts, my rants, raves, reviews and things that have grabbed my attention. From politics to social media to beauty, health and the environment. Fee’s World is written to bring you a smile or get you thinking. Enjoy.

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