Category: Random

Fee Writes

Random

Losing Your Last Parent

When both parents are gone, a deep change unfolds, and the inescapable reality of life’s fragility becomes clear.

I have a friend whose father is very old — over 100 — and he has now been given only a few days to live. My friend, understandably, is very distraught, and it brought back strong memories of when my own father passed away. My mother had died around 20 years earlier, but when my father died, the effect it had on me was something I hadn’t expected.

It doesn’t really matter, I don’t think, how old you are, or how old your parent is — unless, of course, they or you are very young. But I’m speaking more about when they are seniors, nearing the natural end of their lives.

If there’s been a close relationship between you and your parents, there’s a certain vulnerability that arises when the second parent dies. Suddenly, you no longer have that invisible buffer. While you still have living parents, you feel a little invincible; death doesn’t weigh heavily on your mind — unless you’re ill, of course. Under normal circumstances, it’s as if there’s an unseen shield between you and the afterlife.

When both parents have gone, you abruptly become part of the dying generation. That buffer is gone. There is nothing left between you and whatever lies beyond. It’s quite mind-bending. Intellectually, of course, we all know we’ll die one day, but while that buffer exists, our minds tend to block out the reality of it. When it’s gone, the inevitability of death truly hits home.

Religion, logic — none of that comes into it. It’s simply a sensation, a profound feeling that arises. I can’t speak for those who lose their parents young, but certainly, for those of us who are older when our parents pass, it seems to be a common experience. Everyone I’ve spoken to has said the same thing: it suddenly becomes very real. Death isn’t an abstract idea anymore — it’s an unavoidable certainty.

As the saying goes, the only things set in stone are death and taxes — and taxes, if you’re clever enough, you might manage to sidestep. But death? Death is certain. It’s simply part of life, and there it is.

Fee Writes

Opportunity Missed

The One That Got Away

The other day, I was chatting with a friend whose granddaughter and yes, my granddaughters are getting older too—was in a full-blown career crisis. Fresh out of school, she had no clue what to do next. Gap year? Uni? Become a TikTok sensation? Who knows! It got me reminiscing about my own post-school turmoil and the roads I could have taken.

Looking back, there were moments when the universe cracked open a door, but I was too oblivious to step through it. I had grand plans—art school, acting, something creative. My parents, forward-thinking yet oddly old-fashioned, had other ideas. Instead of embracing my theatrical dreams, they steered me towards Business College—a misleading name for what was essentially a 12-month intense course in typing and shorthand. Riveting!

Unsurprisingly, office work didn’t light my fire. So, in a bold move, I applied for a job as a radio DJ. Yes, really. Me, spinning records and chatting to the masses. Did I have experience? Nope. But enthusiasm? Buckets of it.

I had answered an ad in the local paper. Now they actually didn’t even respond to my letter (in those days, you wrote a letter in response to an advert in the paper). So, armed with youthful audacity, I rang the station and asked why they hadn’t responded. They had wanted a guy, so I called them out for discrimination. If they wanted a bloke, they should’ve said so! Back then, a business advertising for staff could say they wanted male, female, old, young, etc. However, to their credit, they invited me in for a trial.

It was a disaster.

I stumbled through the DJ test with all the finesse of a cat on roller skates. However, instead of a total rejection, they said, “You’d be brilliant at reading the news!” And what did I do? I scoffed. Newsreading? How dull! I wanted to be part of the action, not reciting headlines like a robotic parrot.

So, I walked away. Now, with the benefit of hindsight (and a few more decades under my belt), I realise that was a mistake. That tiny opportunity could have led to a creative career—journalism, television, writing, the lot. But I was so fixated on what I thought I wanted that I ignored what could have been.

Life throws us open doors. Sometimes we step through, sometimes we don’t even notice. And sometimes, years later, we think… What if?

Take the chance. Walk through the door. Or at the very least, give it a decent nudge before it swings shut forever.

Fee Writes

Random

The Power of Persistence

The Surfer’s Lesson: Persistence Pays Off

I just got back from the beach, and wow, it was absolutely stunning down there! The salty breeze, the sound of the waves rolling in—it was one of those perfect moments that made you stop and soak it all in. Right now I’m housesitting at a beach house, so out on the balcony with my morning coffee, still feeling that fresh ocean air, I decided that I wanted to share something I saw today that really stuck with me.

While I was at the beach, I found myself watching a surfer—this guy was clearly determined. He kept paddling out, trying to catch a wave, but time and time again, he couldn’t seem to keep hold of any wave he caught. I’m guessing he was a beginner, as he should have been able to get some decent rides, but what stood out to me was his persistence. He didn’t get discouraged. He just kept going, paddling back out, trying again. And then—finally—he caught one! He rode that wave all the way in, and you could just tell it was a moment of triumph.

Watching him reminded me of my own surfing days. Fun fact: I used to surf all the time when I was younger! I must have been around 11 years old when I first started, maybe even younger. My sister had a surfboard—one of those classic, oversized longboards—and I would lug that thing across the sand, determined to get out on the water.

Back then, we didn’t have fancy ankle straps like surfers do today. If you wiped out and lost your board, well, you were in for a long swim! Sometimes, if you were lucky, another surfer would grab it and bring it back to you—one of those little acts of kindness that always meant a lot.

But the thing that really hit me today, watching that surfer, is how much persistence matters. Whether it’s surfing, golf, painting, music—anything really—the key is to just keep at it. You might wipe out a dozen times, but if you keep paddling back out, eventually, you’ll catch your wave. And when you do, it’ll be worth every single struggle that came before.

That guy on the beach today? He had a great ride. And it was a reminder to me (and maybe to you, too) to keep pushing forward, no matter what.

Fee Writes

Random | WTF

Retirement Brain

Retirement Brain: When Every Day Feels The Same

Not that long ago, I woke up one morning with absolutely no idea what day it was. None. Zilch. I knew it was a weekday because kids were marching off to school like tiny, grumpy commuters. But beyond that? Total mystery.

This, my friends, is what happens when you cross the threshold into the so-called “retirement years.” (By the way, I despise that word—retirement sounds like you’re just waiting for someone to close the lid on you!) Life after a career isn’t about fading into oblivion; it’s about keeping the wheels turning. Learning, growing, doing stuff—that’s the real deal. But one of the unintended side effects? Time becomes a vague concept. Days blend together like a smoothie of confusion.

Usually, I always know when it’s Tuesday—because, like a responsible part-time worker, I head into an office. Plus, I live next to a preschool, which is basically an audio calendar. Monday to Friday: a symphony of tiny voices. Weekends? Silence. That’s my system. And it works… most of the time.

But my usual cues are missing when I’m house-sitting cats, especially in unfamiliar places. (Cats are terrible at reminding you what day it is, by the way. They live in their own time zone called “Feed Me Now O’Clock.”) I still work online, but my routine is out the window, and suddenly, Tuesday could be Thursday or even a rogue Monday. Who knows?

Here’s my pro tip: Keep a diary—not just for appointments but for daily adventures, big or small. Schedule fun, plan outings, and create things to look forward to—because having a reason to be present is what keeps life exciting. Otherwise, you might just wake up one day and realize you’ve been living in an endless loop of Tuesdays.

Stay curious, stay engaged, and, for the love of all things, be organised—write things down!

P.S. If you figure out what day it is, let me know.

Fee Writes

Random | WTF

Desktop Disaster Averted: Backup Saves the Day!

What a crazy day!

This morning, I had to go into the office, but before I left, I did a little bit of work on my computer. Just as I was finishing up, a little pop-up appeared telling me it was time to empty the trash. Being the obedient wee soul that I am (yeah, right), I emptied the trash. At the same time, I checked my clock and realised that I was cutting it rather fine to get to the office.

So, I shut the laptop down. Well, I shut the lid down, threw it in my bag and off I went.

Arriving at the office, I opened up the lid, and there on my my desktop was NOTHING!

Let me explain. I have one folder on the desktop, and everything is in that folder. Think me weird? Well it’s simply to reduce the clutter on the desktop and away from prying eyes.

BUT it was gone!

My heart sank, and I thought, ‘nooooo, it’s got to be here. It just has to be.’ But I sure couldn’t find it. And the only thing I could think of was that it had somehow got into the trash bin, and so was deleted.

Now I have an Apple. We’ve got a little search thing. The first thing I did was put in the name of the folder. Nothing came up, so I searched the names of folders inside this folder. And it was a big fat zero.

It was like I had lost everything. I mean this was all my work was GONE.

First thing was ‘don’t panic, Fee, we can work this out’. ‘Take a breath and get into a calm state so you can think logically.’

I then remembered that I had my Time Machine backup at home. This is a hard drive that I use to back up my computer, but I also back up on iCloud.

The first thing to do – go on to iCloud. And, damn, if that wasn’t empty as well.

Obviously, from the time I left home to the time I got to the office and opened the lid, it had done a new backup.

I thought, ‘Well, I’ve got a Time Machine backup, thankfully.’ I do backups regularly, and I knew there wasn’t a great deal of new stuff since the last time I plugged in the Time Machine, so there was no point in getting worried. It would be okay.

I made my apologies and left work, as I couldn’t do any work anyway. When I got home, I plugged in the backup, opened it up, and… it wasn’t there!!!

It was now getting close to panic mode. I hadn’t been into my Time Machine to recover files for years, so I wasn’t sure if I was doing it right.

Now, I am fortunate that one of our clients does computer stuff. So I called him and said, “Help. I need you.”

Off I went with my laptop and Time Machine to see him. It took all of a minute for him to open the Time Machine correctly, and there was my desktop exactly as it should be.

Whew!

That’s right – back up your computer using an external hard drive because if you lose shit, you’re screwed.

The other thing was I tried to stay calm to logically figure out what went wrong and how I could fix it.

All’s well. I’ve got all my stuff, and life moved on.

Gosh. Don’t want to do that again. That was scary.

Category: Random

Losing Your Last Parent

When both parents are gone, a deep change unfolds, and the inescapable reality of life’s fragility becomes clear.

The Power of Persistence

The Surfer’s Lesson: Persistence Pays Off

Retirement Brain

Retirement Brain: When Every Day Feels The Same

Desktop Disaster Averted: Backup Saves the Day!

What a crazy day!

Search

I’m On Bluesky

About Me

Categories

DROP ME A LINE

A Trusted Site