Category: Random

A Love Letter to Going Out On Your Own

A Love Letter to Going Out On Your Own

Why You Should Absolutely Take Yourself Out

the effect of smiles

Alright, by now you’ve probably cottoned on to the fact that I live solo. Not just the kind of solo where the cat’s your flatmate and the plants get names (don’t have a cat but the plants get names), but the kind where I regularly venture out into the world—on my own. And that’s exactly what I felt like chatting about with you today: the fine art of doing things alone.

Let me ask you—have you ever dined out, just you, your plate, and the ambient murmur of a bustling restaurant? If you have, then go you! Give yourself a mental high five. And if you haven’t, well, maybe it’s time to give it a whirl.

This wee reflection was sparked by something that happened just yesterday. I was parked up at one of my favourite local cafés, laptop open, latte in hand—because frankly, their coffee is leagues better than what I whip up at home. Plus, I love that background hum of clinking cups, espresso steam, and low conversation. It’s like a cosy blanket of community and helps me create whatever it is I’m creating.

But then I saw her.

She caught my eye—a woman, possibly around my age, maybe a touch older. But I’d say she was definitely in her seventies. What struck me wasn’t what she was doing, but what she wasn’t doing. She didn’t have a phone. No laptop. No newspaper or book. Just her coffee and the sunshine. She was entirely present, sitting there, soaking in the atmosphere like a cat on a windowsill.

She was people-watching, smiling now and then, simply being. No distractions. No props. Just grace and groundedness (is that a word?) in a world that often feels like it’s spinning off its hinges.

And you know what? I’ve done that too. And sometimes I wonder—has someone glanced my way and thought: She looks happy. She looks like she belongs. She looks like she’s the boss of that corner table.

Because here’s the thing: you’ve got to own it. Whatever it is—your coffee, your meal, your moment. Claim it. The first time you go out on your own, yes, it feels a little wobbly. Maybe a touch awkward. But the second time’s easier. And by the third? You’ll be sauntering in like the café was built just for you.

And let me tell you, other women will see you. Not with pity or curiosity, but with admiration. Quiet envy, even. They’ll clock your confidence, your sense of ease, your refusal to wait for someone else to validate your right to be there. Even if, on the inside, you’re a bit shaky.

going out on your own

It doesn’t matter. You’re doing it. You’re living. You’re showing up in the world as your brilliant, unaccompanied self.

Because truthfully? This world’s a bit bonkers, and no one’s really paying all that much attention. So take the seat by the window. Order the dessert. Bring a book or bring nothing. Just be there.

Own the moment. You absolutely can.

 

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Losing Your Last Parent

Losing Your Last Parent

When both parents are gone, a deep change unfolds, and the inescapable reality of life’s fragility becomes clear.

the effect of smiles

I have a friend whose father is very old — over 100 — and he has now been given only a few days to live. My friend, understandably, is very distraught, and it brought back strong memories of when my own father passed away. My mother had died around 20 years earlier, but when my father died, the effect it had on me was something I hadn’t expected.

It doesn’t really matter, I don’t think, how old you are, or how old your parent is — unless, of course, they or you are very young. But I’m speaking more about when they are seniors, nearing the natural end of their lives.

If there’s been a close relationship between you and your parents, there’s a certain vulnerability that arises when the second parent dies. Suddenly, you no longer have that invisible buffer. While you still have living parents, you feel a little invincible; death doesn’t weigh heavily on your mind — unless you’re ill, of course. Under normal circumstances, it’s as if there’s an unseen shield between you and the afterlife.

When both parents have gone, you abruptly become part of the dying generation. That buffer is gone. There is nothing left between you and whatever lies beyond. It’s quite mind-bending. Intellectually, of course, we all know we’ll die one day, but while that buffer exists, our minds tend to block out the reality of it. When it’s gone, the inevitability of death truly hits home.

Religion, logic — none of that comes into it. It’s simply a sensation, a profound feeling that arises. I can’t speak for those who lose their parents young, but certainly, for those of us who are older when our parents pass, it seems to be a common experience. Everyone I’ve spoken to has said the same thing: it suddenly becomes very real. Death isn’t an abstract idea anymore — it’s an unavoidable certainty.

Losing your last parent

As the saying goes, the only things set in stone are death and taxes — and taxes, if you’re clever enough, you might manage to sidestep. But death? Death is certain. It’s simply part of life, and there it is.

 

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Opportunity Missed

Opportunity Missed

The One That Got Away

the effect of smiles

The other day, I was chatting with a friend whose granddaughter and yes, my granddaughters are getting older too—was in a full-blown career crisis. Fresh out of school, she had no clue what to do next. Gap year? Uni? Become a TikTok sensation? Who knows! It got me reminiscing about my own post-school turmoil and the roads I could have taken.

Looking back, there were moments when the universe cracked open a door, but I was too oblivious to step through it. I had grand plans—art school, acting, something creative. My parents, forward-thinking yet oddly old-fashioned, had other ideas. Instead of embracing my theatrical dreams, they steered me towards Business College—a misleading name for what was essentially a 12-month intense course in typing and shorthand. Riveting!

Unsurprisingly, office work didn’t light my fire. So, in a bold move, I applied for a job as a radio DJ. Yes, really. Me, spinning records and chatting to the masses. Did I have experience? Nope. But enthusiasm? Buckets of it.

I had answered an ad in the local paper. Now they actually didn’t even respond to my letter (in those days, you wrote a letter in response to an advert in the paper). So, armed with youthful audacity, I rang the station and asked why they hadn’t responded. They had wanted a guy, so I called them out for discrimination. If they wanted a bloke, they should’ve said so! Back then, a business advertising for staff could say they wanted male, female, old, young, etc. However, to their credit, they invited me in for a trial.

It was a disaster.

I stumbled through the DJ test with all the finesse of a cat on roller skates. However, instead of a total rejection, they said, “You’d be brilliant at reading the news!” And what did I do? I scoffed. Newsreading? How dull! I wanted to be part of the action, not reciting headlines like a robotic parrot.

So, I walked away. Now, with the benefit of hindsight (and a few more decades under my belt), I realise that was a mistake. That tiny opportunity could have led to a creative career—journalism, television, writing, the lot. But I was so fixated on what I thought I wanted that I ignored what could have been.

Life throws us open doors. Sometimes we step through, sometimes we don’t even notice. And sometimes, years later, we think… What if?

A Missed Opportunity

Take the chance. Walk through the door. Or at the very least, give it a decent nudge before it swings shut forever.

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The Power of Persistence

The Power of Persistence

The Surfer’s Lesson: Persistence Pays Off

the effect of smiles

I just got back from the beach, and wow, it was absolutely stunning down there! The salty breeze, the sound of the waves rolling in—it was one of those perfect moments that made you stop and soak it all in. Right now I’m housesitting at a beach house, so out on the balcony with my morning coffee, still feeling that fresh ocean air, I decided that I wanted to share something I saw today that really stuck with me.

While I was at the beach, I found myself watching a surfer—this guy was clearly determined. He kept paddling out, trying to catch a wave, but time and time again, he couldn’t seem to keep hold of any wave he caught. I’m guessing he was a beginner, as he should have been able to get some decent rides, but what stood out to me was his persistence. He didn’t get discouraged. He just kept going, paddling back out, trying again. And then—finally—he caught one! He rode that wave all the way in, and you could just tell it was a moment of triumph.

Watching him reminded me of my own surfing days. Fun fact: I used to surf all the time when I was younger! I must have been around 11 years old when I first started, maybe even younger. My sister had a surfboard—one of those classic, oversized longboards—and I would lug that thing across the sand, determined to get out on the water.

Back then, we didn’t have fancy ankle straps like surfers do today. If you wiped out and lost your board, well, you were in for a long swim! Sometimes, if you were lucky, another surfer would grab it and bring it back to you—one of those little acts of kindness that always meant a lot.

But the thing that really hit me today, watching that surfer, is how much persistence matters. Whether it’s surfing, golf, painting, music—anything really—the key is to just keep at it. You might wipe out a dozen times, but if you keep paddling back out, eventually, you’ll catch your wave. And when you do, it’ll be worth every single struggle that came before.

The Power of Persistence

 

That guy on the beach today? He had a great ride. And it was a reminder to me (and maybe to you, too) to keep pushing forward, no matter what.

 

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Retirement Brain

Retirement Brain

Retirement Brain: When Every Day Feels The Same

the effect of smiles

Not that long ago, I woke up one morning with absolutely no idea what day it was. None. Zilch. I knew it was a weekday because kids were marching off to school like tiny, grumpy commuters. But beyond that? Total mystery.

This, my friends, is what happens when you cross the threshold into the so-called “retirement years.” (By the way, I despise that word—retirement sounds like you’re just waiting for someone to close the lid on you!) Life after a career isn’t about fading into oblivion; it’s about keeping the wheels turning. Learning, growing, doing stuff—that’s the real deal. But one of the unintended side effects? Time becomes a vague concept. Days blend together like a smoothie of confusion.

Usually, I always know when it’s Tuesday—because, like a responsible part-time worker, I head into an office. Plus, I live next to a preschool, which is basically an audio calendar. Monday to Friday: a symphony of tiny voices. Weekends? Silence. That’s my system. And it works… most of the time.

But my usual cues are missing when I’m house-sitting cats, especially in unfamiliar places. (Cats are terrible at reminding you what day it is, by the way. They live in their own time zone called “Feed Me Now O’Clock.”) I still work online, but my routine is out the window, and suddenly, Tuesday could be Thursday or even a rogue Monday. Who knows?

Retirement Brain

Here’s my pro tip: Keep a diary—not just for appointments but for daily adventures, big or small. Schedule fun, plan outings, and create things to look forward to—because having a reason to be present is what keeps life exciting. Otherwise, you might just wake up one day and realize you’ve been living in an endless loop of Tuesdays.

Stay curious, stay engaged, and, for the love of all things, be organised—write things down!

P.S. If you figure out what day it is, let me know.

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I’m On Bluesky

I’m On Bluesky

About Me

fee o'shea

Thanks for dropping by. My name is Fee O’Shea. I’m a mother and grandma, an author, and a Comedy Improver.
This blog is for my thoughts, my rants, raves, reviews and things that have grabbed my attention. From politics to social media to beauty, health and the environment. Fee’s World is written to bring you a smile or get you thinking. Enjoy.

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