Author: Fee Writes

Fee Writes

When Online Dates Don’t Match the Photo

Another quick online dating story for you—strap in!

So, what’s the deal with people looking completely different from their profile photos? I’ve had this happen a few times now. We chat online, everything seems lovely and promising, and I start thinking, “Yes, this could be really cool.” Then I rock up to meet the guy in person… and nope. He looks absolutely nothing like his photos.

Let’s be real—you can’t pack on that much weight in a week. In the photos, he’s trim and fit. In person? Well overweight. That’s not a sudden change; that’s been happening over a period of time. (To be fair, I’ve had one where the weight had come off—so it goes both ways!)

The second time it happened, it’s fair to say it was another doozy. We’d chatted online for some time before finally having a date that suited us both. It all seemed good, and we agreed to meet at a café. I arrived and spotted someone on a bench looking a bit… lost. He was clearly waiting for someone, and as there was no one else around, I put two and two together—and my heart sank. He looked nothing like his picture. Honestly, I wouldn’t have recognised him at all if he weren’t clearly waiting for me.

Then he drops this: he’s been through cancer treatment and chemo. And look, I am sorry to hear that—of course I am—but put up a current photo! Also, just to be clear, I’m not looking to become a full-time nurse. That’s not what I signed up for.

All I want is someone who is fit and actually resembles the photos they post. That’s it. Please. Just a little honesty goes a long way.

p.s. It’s one of the reasons I’m no longer online (just in case you’re wondering.)

Rant over!

Fee Writes

Random

Losing Your Last Parent

When both parents are gone, a deep change unfolds, and the inescapable reality of life’s fragility becomes clear.

I have a friend whose father is very old — over 100 — and he has now been given only a few days to live. My friend, understandably, is very distraught, and it brought back strong memories of when my own father passed away. My mother had died around 20 years earlier, but when my father died, the effect it had on me was something I hadn’t expected.

It doesn’t really matter, I don’t think, how old you are, or how old your parent is — unless, of course, they or you are very young. But I’m speaking more about when they are seniors, nearing the natural end of their lives.

If there’s been a close relationship between you and your parents, there’s a certain vulnerability that arises when the second parent dies. Suddenly, you no longer have that invisible buffer. While you still have living parents, you feel a little invincible; death doesn’t weigh heavily on your mind — unless you’re ill, of course. Under normal circumstances, it’s as if there’s an unseen shield between you and the afterlife.

When both parents have gone, you abruptly become part of the dying generation. That buffer is gone. There is nothing left between you and whatever lies beyond. It’s quite mind-bending. Intellectually, of course, we all know we’ll die one day, but while that buffer exists, our minds tend to block out the reality of it. When it’s gone, the inevitability of death truly hits home.

Religion, logic — none of that comes into it. It’s simply a sensation, a profound feeling that arises. I can’t speak for those who lose their parents young, but certainly, for those of us who are older when our parents pass, it seems to be a common experience. Everyone I’ve spoken to has said the same thing: it suddenly becomes very real. Death isn’t an abstract idea anymore — it’s an unavoidable certainty.

As the saying goes, the only things set in stone are death and taxes — and taxes, if you’re clever enough, you might manage to sidestep. But death? Death is certain. It’s simply part of life, and there it is.

Fee Writes

Laugh!

Online Dating Scam Fun

Catfished by a clown: My hilarious adventures with an online dating scammer!

Here’s a question for you: Have you ever tried online dating? A wee while ago, I decided to throw my hat into the ring and give it a whirl.

Oh, I had a blast—mainly with the scammers, if I’m being honest!

It didn’t take long before I got the hang of spotting them. And I must say, I got a right kick out of playing along. I had the time, and honestly, they’re not hard to pick.

It always kicks off the same way—a long-winded message explaining who they are, what they’ve achieved, how much money they’ve got, and how they’d simply love to get to know me. They drop a Gmail address and suggest I write directly so they can send more photos. And that, my friend, is where the real fun begins.

The first thing I do is screenshot their profile photo and do a reverse image search on Google. Sure enough, it turns out to be a stock photo every single time. Classic.

Now, I’ve had a few of these exchanges, but the latest one? Absolute gold.

Can’t quite recall the name he used, so let’s just call him John. John had a profile picture with a dog—a breed I’d never seen before. So I emailed him and asked, ever so innocently, “What kind of dog is that? He’s adorable!”

I also mentioned that we lived in the same city and it’d be great to get to know him better. John wrote back, completely ignored the dog question, and said he’d love to meet—but alas, he was heading overseas for work.

Of course, he was. They always are. And they’re always highly educated—usually in mining, oil, or something similarly dramatic. Sometimes they’re even a high-ranking US Marine. John, though, was an engineer off to work on oil rigs in Saudi Arabia.

So I replied, “That’s exciting for you! But such a shame. Who’s going to look after your dog? And what breed is he, anyway?”

There was still no mention of the dog, but he did say he looked forward to meeting me once he returned.

Then came the rookie mistake—he signed off the email as Paul. Not John.

At this point, I’d had my fun. Time to wrap it up. I responded with:

“Dear John….or Paul.

First, always use the same name throughout—that’s Scam rule 101. And don’t use a photo with an animal if you have no clue what kind it is—that’s another giveaway.

Also, if you’re claiming to be a well-educated Kiwi, your English should be top-notch. May I suggest hiring a proper interpreter next time?

Happy scamming!”

Just so you know, I’ve got a separate Gmail account I use just for these kinds of shenanigans.

I love the fun of it, but you do need to stay sharp. They’re out there, and they’re trying it on.

If you’re dabbling in online dating, keep your wits about you. And if you do decide to string a scammer along, go for it—but when you’re done, drop the word “scam” into the chat. Trust me, they vanish instantly.

And don’t forget—report them to the dating site. It helps keep things safer for everyone.

Just so you know …. I’m no longer on the dating sites, can’t really be bothered if I’m honest

Fee Writes

Memories | Random

Opportunity Missed

The One That Got Away

The other day, I was chatting with a friend whose granddaughter and yes, my granddaughters are getting older too—was in a full-blown career crisis. Fresh out of school, she had no clue what to do next. Gap year? Uni? Become a TikTok sensation? Who knows! It got me reminiscing about my own post-school turmoil and the roads I could have taken.

Looking back, there were moments when the universe cracked open a door, but I was too oblivious to step through it. I had grand plans—art school, acting, something creative. My parents, forward-thinking yet oddly old-fashioned, had other ideas. Instead of embracing my theatrical dreams, they steered me towards Business College—a misleading name for what was essentially a 12-month intense course in typing and shorthand. Riveting!

Unsurprisingly, office work didn’t light my fire. So, in a bold move, I applied for a job as a radio DJ. Yes, really. Me, spinning records and chatting to the masses. Did I have experience? Nope. But enthusiasm? Buckets of it.

I had answered an ad in the local paper. Now they actually didn’t even respond to my letter (in those days, you wrote a letter in response to an advert in the paper). So, armed with youthful audacity, I rang the station and asked why they hadn’t responded. They had wanted a guy, so I called them out for discrimination. If they wanted a bloke, they should’ve said so! Back then, a business advertising for staff could say they wanted male, female, old, young, etc. However, to their credit, they invited me in for a trial.

It was a disaster.

I stumbled through the DJ test with all the finesse of a cat on roller skates. However, instead of a total rejection, they said, “You’d be brilliant at reading the news!” And what did I do? I scoffed. Newsreading? How dull! I wanted to be part of the action, not reciting headlines like a robotic parrot.

So, I walked away. Now, with the benefit of hindsight (and a few more decades under my belt), I realise that was a mistake. That tiny opportunity could have led to a creative career—journalism, television, writing, the lot. But I was so fixated on what I thought I wanted that I ignored what could have been.

Life throws us open doors. Sometimes we step through, sometimes we don’t even notice. And sometimes, years later, we think… What if?

Take the chance. Walk through the door. Or at the very least, give it a decent nudge before it swings shut forever.

Fee Writes

Random

The Power of Persistence

The Surfer’s Lesson: Persistence Pays Off

I just got back from the beach, and wow, it was absolutely stunning down there! The salty breeze, the sound of the waves rolling in—it was one of those perfect moments that made you stop and soak it all in. Right now I’m housesitting at a beach house, so out on the balcony with my morning coffee, still feeling that fresh ocean air, I decided that I wanted to share something I saw today that really stuck with me.

While I was at the beach, I found myself watching a surfer—this guy was clearly determined. He kept paddling out, trying to catch a wave, but time and time again, he couldn’t seem to keep hold of any wave he caught. I’m guessing he was a beginner, as he should have been able to get some decent rides, but what stood out to me was his persistence. He didn’t get discouraged. He just kept going, paddling back out, trying again. And then—finally—he caught one! He rode that wave all the way in, and you could just tell it was a moment of triumph.

Watching him reminded me of my own surfing days. Fun fact: I used to surf all the time when I was younger! I must have been around 11 years old when I first started, maybe even younger. My sister had a surfboard—one of those classic, oversized longboards—and I would lug that thing across the sand, determined to get out on the water.

Back then, we didn’t have fancy ankle straps like surfers do today. If you wiped out and lost your board, well, you were in for a long swim! Sometimes, if you were lucky, another surfer would grab it and bring it back to you—one of those little acts of kindness that always meant a lot.

But the thing that really hit me today, watching that surfer, is how much persistence matters. Whether it’s surfing, golf, painting, music—anything really—the key is to just keep at it. You might wipe out a dozen times, but if you keep paddling back out, eventually, you’ll catch your wave. And when you do, it’ll be worth every single struggle that came before.

That guy on the beach today? He had a great ride. And it was a reminder to me (and maybe to you, too) to keep pushing forward, no matter what.

Author: Fee Writes

When Online Dates Don’t Match the Photo

Another quick online dating story for you—strap in!

Losing Your Last Parent

When both parents are gone, a deep change unfolds, and the inescapable reality of life’s fragility becomes clear.

Online Dating Scam Fun

Catfished by a clown: My hilarious adventures with an online dating scammer!

The Power of Persistence

The Surfer’s Lesson: Persistence Pays Off

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